Thursday Afternoon

Hello to all! Most everyone here in the states as elsewhere is going through a seasonal transition. Some dread it, some love it. Here in Tennessee the transition comes slowly. Summer goes kicking and screaming, swearing to God and on its mothers grave that it will return within the blink of an eye. And so it shall. So it shall. The leaves are turning here and on some nights we've even seen the low fifties. But as middle Tennessee goes we wont see autumn until its dead on time for winter. Sometimes if we're lucky here the northern winds will blow up a scary gust for Halloween just in time to make us southerners feel "wanted". Its as if seasonally the south is the red headed step child of post card seasons. No mystical lengthy autumns here. Just merely ......... oops, wow, I guess that was autumn. And then it passes. And so it only goes to serve us in favor that that one night of the year, Halloween, is chilly and windy and frightful.

Here in Tennessee we are seeing Occupy Wall Street protesters and I personally wish them well. I am a most disappointed conservative. The Republicans ......in my opinion, have made greedy jack asses of themselves. And while I might not be a bleeding heart, because I/We (Squee and I) are union and we most certainly work hard for a living, I certainly wont stand in a voting line again to vote conservative. Just wanted to get that out of my system. Thank you.

In the meantime I've found myself taking more time off from my second job. Tired. Just so friggin' tired. All the time. As a psy. major I find myself reflecting on what factors might be bringing this lengthy depression on...........mid life? Stress? Health? Genes? All of the above? As one would have predicted my previous health tests have proven that I am one fit troll! Healthy heart! Healthy colon! Eyes are going bad, but then I figure.......well, if my eyes go bad then I wont see what bothers me so much anymore and that might be a blessing. Because so many things really bother me. Never the less I trudge onward. And while I cant say I look forward to the next day............... I still have the balls to get up and fight the good fight. Because I say to you!.... People......there are an awful lot of assholes out there. I cant even give these people the benefit of an exclamation point. The worst of the worst is coming out like the dawn of a new peak season. And I suppose the best of the best is too. This remains to be seen.

Too many animals, too many children, too many women getting the shit end of the stick. And so we must trust in a higher level of consciousness while traveling through this realm of darkness.
Things could be worse. And I guess it could really be true that there is no light without dark. One must balance the other. No heaven without hell.

One a more positive note.........I've have noticed that "SHAKE AND BAKE" original is back on the store shelves! Shake and Bake people ! Shake and Bake and T.V. dinners and jello and sugar and all the stuff that serves my mind as comfort. sigh.........

Lets see , the above painting is a work in progress. I took two courses a while back online from Misty Mawn. I said to myself "self..... when you take these courses you will know good from evil, darkness from light, talent from no talent" and in the meantime I've also bought Misty's book "Unfurling" which is GREAT! ............but in the end the courses scrambled my already re fried brain. And I would say it probably took a good 6 months for me to regurgitate what I had taken in in bits and pieces and digest it to a more palatable format. Hence the above. Drawn on inspiration of a Mawn state of mind.



Still in progress. It takes too long lately. I just hit a certain point and my ideas go in a thousand different directions. I think however........I will stop painting chicks. Or maybe I just need to stop painting "pretty" things. I find myself constantly re evaluating "what is art?" And what I find most difficult is that truly good art is an extraordinary discipline. Of which I lack and probably about 80% of the people out there claiming to be artists lack as well. Think about it. Are you really a good artist? What is art and what is it that we want to obtain from self expression? See how deep this shit gets with me? I am driving myself nuts.

Hence I dont blog as often.
moving on..............
A necklace I did awhile back. I am a fabrication artist. Metal from scratch. No clay here mama! Play doh artists need not apply! Give it up. Go paint pretty pretty pretty girls. String beads. I dont care. But dont put yourself in the league of the fabrication artist. Hide your face girl! hide your face!
The complete piece with a little picture to snap you out of the lull this post might be bringing on. Is that me you ask? Why yes it is! Just waking up from a beauty sleep with my four jack russells covered in dog hair. Basking in my overwhelming sexuality...............ah yes! To be so sexy................. no dudes, thats not me. Not even close.


A wee little dolls head with no direction or intention.

My Lilly. Such a dangerous child. Here she is resting on a warm pot of tea. Cooking now is a real stresser! We have to pay constant attention to keep the cats away from the stove top.

This picture didn't turn out well. I bought a "frozen charlotte" a while back and made a mold. Then I made a clay (primo) mold and baked it and added accents with shiva oils. really nice results. then I mounted it in sterling bezel on sterling . Now I just need to add the leather or beads or what have you . I plan on making more of these however I will do so in brass/bronze. Keeping it more cost effective.
Lastly.................

Such a beautiful soul. So perfect. So gentle. Such a victim.

It is very hard for me to write this. But it is something I live with everyday.

This beautiful lady with no name lived on the streets of Nashville. She had babies that would follow her. And then the babies would disappear.

It is such a busy street. Very culturally diverse. I came upon her doing deliveries on my Saturday route. She was loved by so many people. I cant tell you how many women tried to get close to her. But she was afraid. Finally there was one particular lady that did get close. And on my 53rd birthday I went to the business where they had a set up ......... a make shift house, water bowl, food bowl etc. That was on April fools day. I took these pictures and I made a promise right then and there to go back and get this angel. And God heard my prayers, which I didnt come to know until much later.

Time got away from me. Thoughts. So many thoughts that go through my head. Where will I keep her? What will she be like with my rescues. Procrastination. Horrible ........God Awful procrastination.

I dont know. I felt comfortable that in all my grandiose existence she would be safe and sound.
That was April. In May we experienced a devastating flood.

The employees of the business that grew to love her told me that after myself and Squee had gone out there to take pictures of her she had taken a wonderful turn! She was warming up to humans. She would get close and take love.

God had given me what I had prayed for.

And in my stupid fucking rat race mind I put her on hold.

And then the flood came.
And she was never seen again.
And everyday of my life I carry that weight.
And I find it more and more difficult to paint beauty.
And I find it more and more difficult to feel lucky.


As a child I was raised in abuse. I have no qualms with that. It is what it is. There are millions of us out there. But there is one thing that abuse "victims" share and that is shame. Shame is all I have known since I was a child. But like I say............. there are thousands of us........so I'm not cryin' here...........I'm just telling you what you may or may not know.

Guilt is another constant. It is part of the shame.

I could've done right by this creature. There are no excuses. None. If someone had told me that they had been part of this dogs story............ I would've told them........ there are no excuses! Dont expect forgiveness from me! You let her down! You fucked up!

And now shes gone.

And I am so very very sorry.

Goodnight Wayne.
I miss you all.